RETROSPECT
by delusionchaos
Summary: Her thoughts, her feelings, her emotions and the only luxury Teresa Lisbon allowed herself. My apologies for the crappy summary. Something I whipped up during an angsty moment watching THE MENTALIST.
1. Chapter 1

Seeing those twinkling blue eyes and snarky smile, in that moment she traversed from euphoria at seeing Jane to a homicidal desire to shoot him.

It had been what a year , 2 years maybe ? As if letters could atone for the deep ache and longing she had felt all this time. After all they had been through, he had run as if the hounds of hell were on his tail. Oh well, they were on his tail. Never mind the aftermath of the Red John tsunami he had left in his wake.

Jane always did what he wanted, to hell with the consequences.

Lisbon ? She had broken every unwritten rule, if she listened hard enough she could hear Boscoe's ominous words ringing in her ears. 'snake oil salesman, Doctor Good, Svengali,' those were the kinder words he had used to describe Jane.

She really had no one to blame except herself; she had fooled herself into thinking - what ? That somehow she and Jane had this connection, an understanding even if it wasn't romantic. No he had played them all.

Jane was Jane; it was she that had crossed the line. Her weakness cost her, her illustrious career. She was a joke, the butt of every cop's joke or rather the lesson every cop should learn - How not to be like Teresa Lisbon! All her cop training, her personal mantras of head over heart, her steel-cased heart had unwittingly melted under a glib tongue that could con the devil, a pair of mesmerizing blue eyes and a head full of golden curls that rivaled Adonis. Shame on Teresa Honoria Lisbon falling for a shyster and a hustler. St Teresa had been bedeviled.

Now she had been unceremoniously summoned by the mighty F.B.I. and the saccharine sweet reception she got was tinged with contempt. She wasn't under any illusion that she was welcome, no she was leverage for whatever plan, trap the FBI had for Patrick Jane. Patrick Jane as usual was the prize.

She sat silently next to Jane only half listening to Abbot's laying down of the law. As she had suspected; Jane was told very firmly she might add that Ms Teresa Lisbon's services were not required. FBI had their special team.

She hated to say it but it hurt when Cho barely acknowledged her presence. She tried to rationalise that was Cho being Cho but deep down things had changed. Cho had moved on, to greener pastures it would seem. In the past she, dare she say the good ol' days; she had appreciated Cho's detachment, coldness. An asset in their job but not today and not now.

The dulcet tones of one Kim Fischer startled her; she didnt have to be a cop to see that dear old Jane and Special Agent Kim had met under most auspicious circumstances. What?! did she really think he was going to live like a monk...just because she lived like a nun...relegated more out of pity than anything to a small hick town where the powers that be supposed that she couldnt do any harm. Jane? Didnt seem worse for wear; looked healthy, hearty and sun-kissed. Obviously Special Agent Kim had assisted him in that respect.

She clamped down on her anger; she had no legal right to get mad. No promises had been spoken, no sweet nothings whispered, only Jane's way of returning the favor by promising to 'help'. A sort of coldnesss, a feeling of dread came over her. What if? What if? what if Jane had only been using her. It wouldnt be the first time; RED JOHN RED JOHN, he had lived, breathed and slept with only one thing on his mind - RED JOHN.

She had read Jane's psych. and personal profile; as the father does so does the son. Couldnt blame him; that's all he knew and had ever known. "Townies" as all non-carny folks were called were commodities to Jane and his ilk. She and other townies were a means to an end.

Teresa wasnt one to dawdle in self-pity but hey even the strongest person had their breaking point. Seeing the Rigsbys, meeting Cho, muscled by the FBI and now Jane all in the same week. She wished she was anywhere but here. As usual Jane was oblivious only pausing to touch her hand and assure her that everything would be alright. Yes all would be right if it followed Jane's plan of course.

This was the FBI not CBI with dear lovable Virgil Minelli as her boss and Sam Boscoe as her mentor and checklist. Hey even Wainwright was tolerable. No they were all gone, dead - Virgil had passed on 3 years ago, a surprise heart attack. Who knew he had a bad heart. She felt as small and insignificant as a bug here, all her insecurities closing in on her.

Her maudlin musings were rudely interrupted as Jane was 'escorted' to the private suite the FBI had arranged for him and Teresa Lisbon...a handshake and thank you from Director Abbot for her 'help' ...and oh! a bonus ...personally escorted out of the FBI HQ by one Agent Kim.

Thank god that was over...she would hold it all in till she reached home...her sanctuary with only the walls to see her tears.

She grimaced as she remembered an old phrase...switch the gender to him and it mirrored their relationship aptly.

**_"It was all love on my side, and all good comradeship and friendship on hers. _**

**_When we parted she was a free woman, but I could never again be a free man. _**

**_~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "The Adventure of the Abbey Grange"_**


	2. Chapter 2

Dearest reviewers; you've made me blush. I never thought my angst filled humble contribution to Mentalist fanfiction would get such a response. THANK YOU, you've made my day.

Honestly this is supposed to be a one-shot and I just winged it in an hour. I was already in an angsty mood and after that episode with Jane returning to the States; I just found it strange that Lisbon was so happy-go-lucky with Jane's shenanigans.

I mean come on...Cho landed on his feet; Rigsby and Van Pelt were ALWAYS wrapped in each other rather than work so that worked out perfectly, Jane got his revenge, how about Lisbon? Hellooooo, career was everything to Lisbon and its all gone coz of Jane.

I know, I know, I'm MENTALIST crazy...especially since I read online that in Season 7; they are going to BREAK UP JISBON! ARE THEY CRAZY? (Steam coming out of the ears now).

**IMPORTANT NOTE : **

**All characters belong to the talented BRUNO HELLER. I just need my daily JISBON fix hence the fanfiction besides think of the endless possibilities with characters such as Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane.**

**Honoria as Lisbon's middle name is the work of my muse and other such ''strangeness' that I choose to introduce. **

**THE FALLOUT**

Seriously, how do you get back to any routine. She was a roller-coaster of emotions right now; her thoughts and feelings all over the place. Trust Jane to turn her life upside down AGAIN.

She had to move on, only Patrick Jane seemed to have the power to drag her into melancholia. Now a letter from James her brother with happy news of another addition to his already 3 kids. Yay for James. Hell she didn't even have a pet fish in her home.

Once again her depressive musings were interrupted rudely and this time by none other than Agent Kim; FBI's mata-hari. She wondered, did Jane have a secret Wonder Woman fetish? Certainly looked like it, Kim, Lorelei, Hightower, Kristina all highly aggressive, dubious in character and opinionated women.

So the JOKER was playing hardball and she was leverage again. Ah yes the government''s gospel; don't you want to help your country ? Do your duty as a patriotic American citizen...what really irked her: was Agent Kim's condescending attitude; she obviously found Police Chief Lisbon's turf sorely lacking and mediocre. IRK ? GOD help her, she was reverting to Jane's mode.

Oh she was tempted, it would be so easy to blow Mata-hari off. After all Jane was the FBI's responsibility not hers but sanity prevailed. Last thing she wanted was a call from the powers that be; she was still on rocky ground with them thanks to JANE.

So she swallowed the bitter pill. 3 visits from the FBI, the tongues would be wagging. Her geeky clerk was surreptitiously studying Mata-Hari, probably a pleasant change from Director Abbot. Poor kid had been shaking in his shoes the first time he set eyes on the Director.

A thoroughly unpleasant character or perhaps he had deliberately set out to be unpleasant to HER specifically. After all didnt she have the title of being 'Jane's girlfriend' to put it mildly. A visit to the dentist would have been preferable.

How nice to be Jane she thought as she spied him lying down on his 'bed'; not a care in the world, lounge lizard. She quelled her angry thoughts that threatened to vocalise. Help her country, fine she would help her country and damn Jane to hell and back.

She was a better actress than she thought; she had kept her cool except Jane of course had sensed her reluctance (gentler term). Why and what right had she to be mad; Jane had never concealed his intentions nor had he indicated any desire to return to 'catching the bad guys' with her.

He was in his element now baiting Agent Kim. A blind person could pick up the sexual current between the two especially Jane. It was frustrating how her mind graphically pictured them; he had the hots for her. Oh great, she had front row seats to their flirting.

No...over time she had built up her own fantasy; a beautiful dream in which she and Patrick Jane caught bad guys, romanced each other and grew old together. Exactly at what point friendship had blossomed to love on her part was unclear; it had been a slow steady flame built up over the years.

_'I know I am but summer to your heart, And not the full four seasons of the year.'_

_Edna St. Vincent Millay_


	3. Chapter 3

**Note : All characters belong to the creative genius that is Bruno Heller. Below is a mish-mash of fun designed to provide entertainment for someone with entirely too much time on their hands.**

_All Children Except One, Grow Up_

_Peter Pan_

Watching Jane, it wasn't hard to picture him as a rather overgrown Peter Pan. Perhaps his way of over-compensating for his miserable childhood...

Change? Nah...even at 80 Jane would still be the infuriating, pain-in-the-you know where boy he was. Angela Ruskin was quite a woman, to be able to reel him in. She had never really thought about Angela before. A subject too painful for Jane; she had always avoided bringing it up.

Now presumably the Ghosts were gone, laid to rest yada yada but she was unconvinced. For Jane, Angela was his epic love. Which woman wanted to play 2nd fiddle, if she could that is. Jane was the guy all moms warned their daughters about; nice to see, nice to play but don't expect him to stick around.

She schooled her features; damn Jane why did he have to come back. One had to give him points for perseverance though...here it comes.. the pout..it was really too cute the way he sulked like a naughty schoolboy. She wanted to tell him to GO bug Agent Kim...but...

Whoa, whoa teresa...detachment, distance, indifference, detachment, distance...she reminded herself. 1 Job that was it then back to reality. She knew she had 'irked' him; Jane deserved a few home-truths and it was on the dot. Well, she would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when he pulled a JANE on the almighty FBI and it wouldn't be long now.

She cringed as her mind conjured up the scrapes Jane might get into. She knew she didn't have to worry about him; he was a survivor. Drop him in the middle of the ocean and he'll still find his way back blindfolded.

IT HAPPENED! Hell Houdini couldn't have done it better. JANE escaped like she knew he would but only problem was; she was stuck with the soooooo nice folks at FBI HQ. They STILL wont let her go. Abbot glowering, Fischer has steam coming out of her ears and Cho? Cho was Cho. Of course Wiley the resident geek seemed to think it was a stunt out of a Hollywood blockbuster. Oh yeah you know the one...

Served them right; pretentious so and so's. FBI...in an uproar...funny if it wasn't so tragic for her. She dragged her feet shuffling along the sidewalk, lunch was over time to go back to her office. Oh wait! she didnt have an office let alone a humble desk and chair. Life was the pits...Teresa Lisbon senior law enforcement officer; recipient of numerous commendations reduced to a gangster's moll. Damn that menace.


	4. Chapter 4

**From my heart : Thank you for your reviews, follows and favourites. If you've read my other stories; you probably know what to expect…..once again thank you. **

**As always, all characters belonging to THE MENTALIST are the sole property of Bruno Heller. I'm just using my imagination which tends to run away with me. Thank you Bruno Heller for giving us such lovable creations.**

Jane in a show-stopping performance, Agent Kim and minions in wondrous stupor. Hadn't she seen it all before….? If you tried hard enough, you could just catch a glimpse of the gold-dust and crackling electricity in the air left by Jane.

Who knows..? Maybe he was '_fey'._ She smirked; would explain a lot of things…...he looked the same as the day he had walked in and turned her life inside out except on that 'day' that glint of mischief was absent and St Teresa went to the rescue. It still bugged her that such a self-assured, conceited, egotistical in every sense of the word man could fear violence the way he did. Oddly he didn't seem bothered by Defiance's thwack on his face.

In the good 'ol days; Jane's 'run for your life' moments had been great fodder for jokes by Rigsby, Cho and Grace. Of course the former and the latter had always been on the receiving end of Jane's tricks hence the need to peg him down. There's that look again on Agent Kim ….probably wondering why she had turned down another opportunity to see the maestro in action. She had a full memory bank of Mr Patrick Jane, Peter Pan meets Bugs Bunny's antics to reminisce on.

Distance...detachment...indifference…..play it cool teresa. Jane of course had conveniently claimed the aisle seat and she ended up sandwiched between him and the heavy-weight champion wannabe on the left. Travel magazines….since when did she read travel magazines...but anything was better than having a conversation with Jane.

Unbelievable…..he's like this big kid that needs a time-out BADLY. She cursed herself mentally; Jane it was always Jane that rattled her cage. Her voice had cracked on that last note with Jane being true to form in the face of any great emotion. Fantastic, the ending to this fiasco was as bad as the beginning.

She couldn't bring herself to say goodbye to Jane as she hurried out of the building; she ignored the questioning looks on Cho and Director Abbot as she insisted on taking the last flight back. Jane has been escorted to his 'suite' to await his fate. Cat with nine lives; he didn't need saving. She did. Home sweet home.

"_Never rearrange your life in order to meet Mr. Darcy half way. If he couldn't see your worth at the moment you met then he won't two years later. May the halls of Pemberly be filled with his regrets and your life filled with thankfulness because of this revelation." _

― _Shannon L. Alder_

_You were there, just there_

_Out of the blue, out of the dark, out of the storm_

_Have you come to save me or torment me, stranger ?_

She looked through the window; in actual fact she looked at nothing. No her mind was crammed, again. Here she was flying back to the FBI despite her solemn promise to herself never to walk those halls again. Only things had changed; it wasn't Jane that put her on this plane, it was Joe.

Remembering the day or rather night she 'met' Joe just naturally made her smile; they had known each other...what….3 months now. Counting days and hours…..yes she had it….the sickness…..causes endless heartaches or endless joy. Strawberry blond curls cropped close to the head with eyes that changed like the colours of the ocean and the accent...oh….blessed mother mary….the accent that was her undoing. Dressed in classic faded denim jeans and jacket, she had barely glanced at him as she crooned the latest Britney Spears ballad - 'Perfume' on karaoke night at Dolly's.

It was her insane need to stop moping and thinking about Jane that propelled her to accept the Rigsby's invite to karaoke night. A lethal combination of cocktails courtesy of Rigsby had her belting out her heart in front of at least a 100 pairs of eyes. Well thank god she could sing judging from Grace's delighted smiles and clapping; Rigsby, stunned as usual. What…..did he really think all she did was clean out her guns as a hobby?

**Fanfic friends, Should I continue ?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews friends. I'm sorry, I find Agent Pike boring..seriously boring and uninspiring. Poor guy. Can't write if I'm not inspired. SOOOO I decided to introduce someone else to cheer up Chief Lisbon. Why 'Perfume'; I don't know; something about the ballad inspired and truly; I loved writing the last 2 pages.**

All characters belong except Gerty belong to Bruno Heller. This is FANFIC purely for my entertainment. Thank you.

No...her's wasn't the Atypical chick flick story. Joe had been with friends and like the rest of the audience liked what he saw...wait...what he HEARD. He and his posse had even paid for a round of drinks at their table. She had given him her best "I'm an officer of the law; don't even think of messing with me' persona not that it had done much good since his only reply was 'arrest me or kiss me but I'd rather you kiss me, love'.

Rigsby had earned a well aimed kick in his shin from Grace for his crack about that being something Jane would say…...Joe was nothing like that s.o.b….no Joe was earthy, a man unafraid of getting his hands dirty….a working man like her dad….she had him checked out….the full service...even got the Rigsbys to run a check. He was just the way she liked them. He loved everything American right down to spicy hot chilli but No way in hell was she going into a relationship with a man just because he had kissable lips and dimples.

To his credit, Joe had done nothing but steal a few kisses from her, hold her like she was the most precious person on earth. He liked to tease her that he was afraid she might shoot him if he overstepped. He was content to take things slowly, savor the moments. Gerty the sandwich lady had commented that she was glowing and smiling more often; she called her brothers more often too which of course had them all guessing. They didn't know about Joe; he was her secret for the moment and one she guarded fiercely.

It was Joe that had gently steered her into taking the FBI offer. She was miserable, wasting her talents as a Police Chief; the world needed her. Somehow he had made her pause and take stock; it was always there…Jane... being the only reason she had turned down the job. Even uppity Abbot had acknowledged her skills on the Abel case and assured her she was not a babysitter for Jane.

It was her resentment, stupid anger and hurt. That was the only time she had seen Joe look so vulnerable as he asked her if she still loved Jane….not if she was in love with Jane. Uncanny and disconcerting that was Joe. Oh he was pig-headed alright especially when it came to football and shakespeare and the British Jeep. On a sunny quiet afternoon over chocolate hot fudge sundaes and waffles with ice-cream; she had come clean about Jane. He never said a word except to flip some ice-cream onto her face. But that's another story for another day.

AND in exactly 30 minutes she would be face to face with the devil's advocate.

Jane had done it…..the mighty FBI brought to its knees. He was understandably smug of course, even about her accepting the job. Like it was a done deal as long as HE said so but she wasn't mad; let him have his moment. SHE was happy and happy for Jane maybe he would finally get peace, with Agent Kim? Nah…...never happening. Joe had promised to fly in next week and perhaps, maybe…...it was time to notch it up. Grace had called her on the pretext of finding out how the job was…..more like checking up on her and Jane. Rigsby of course maintained that she was looking for Jane in Joe…no Joe filled out a pair of jeans and t-shirt extremely well. NO Joe wouldn't dive for the nearest bush; he would probably rugby tackle the bad-guy. No Joe loved rain and snow and storms; his excuse to snuggle extra close to her to keep her warm...of course.

Uh..oh..Jane was staring at her. Obviously he had won the couch from Agent Kim so Jane the boy was bored and needed attention. No she didn't want him on her radar; Joe was HERS for now. That was the maddening yet lovable part of him; he never left a mystery unsolved. Jane had to get to the bottom of things, never mind that it wasn't any of his business. He made it his business.


	6. Chapter 2 Page 1

A million thanks to those who followed, favorited and reviewed. I"m humbled and truly touched that there are people who like my amatuer contribution to fiction. For all you kind people; I really dont know where I'm going with this….there I said it. Out of the blue an idea will pop in and I'll just go where it takes me. I dont particularly think BS's Perfume is a great song but when I listened to it; all these ideas were popping into my head.

NO THIS IS NOT A LOVE-STORY PER SE.; there's more to it than that. Hint, hint. These few chapters will feature Joe prominently as I need to create the back-story for the main plot. Please do feedback me and tell WHO (Actor) you think Joe is modelled after; I would really get a kick out of that. I'm sorry for boring you and I love hearing from you. Take care and have a great weekend.

Chapter 2 Page 1

Jane on date? Definitely not his type though…..no scratch that...blonde bombshell...guess she's every guy's type. He hadnt shared that information with her; no she only found out because he needed hers and Fischer's fashion expertise. Well what did she expect? Jane wasnt hers exclusively….and she was starting at the bottom again but with better perks of course.

She smiled bitterly; the relationship they had whilst at CBI was gone…..replaced with semi-formal acceptance...Jane was Jane of course….he had that air of superiority without breaking a sweat. She missed it...the excitement...the expectancy of the magician's trick when they had worked together, the closeness. The case had kept her busy and it was a hard one but now; at night, alone; she missed Joe…..really missed Joe.. Grace was right, Joe was the best thing for her now. She had learned her lesson; all those years given to her career that went up in smoke in less than a day and she was left with nothing.

Her eyes lit up and her face glowed as she thought of Joe; Joe who carried a recording of her solo performance on his cell-phone and teased her mercilessly…...the bad-ass Police Chief Lisbon….singing a cheesy love song. When she gave him the 'look'; he would smirk at her and say "dont get mad love; you sang and I lost my heart, I lost my soul to you". She and Joe would spend hours just talking; he just had this way of relaxing her of making her feel so loved...yes that's the word….loved, cherished. Just before he had put her on the plane, he had taken her to a dog shelter. She had laughed and played along with him and the canine cuties with the promise to return and adopt one particular cutie. Yeah….she was antsy…...hadnt heard from Joe since she flew in and that was 2 days ago.

Kim Fischer was a pleasant surprise….here she had built up this image of a dominatrix….but she was nice…...offduty...shame on you, Teresa. She and Kim had broken the ice and it felt good. At least a comrade in arms aside from Wiley the lovable geek. She guessed Kim had lots of questions but was biding her time; didnt matter she had nothing to hide. She knew her outburst on the plane had a lot to do with the tension between her and Jane but she wouldnt and couldnt regret it. He needed to hear it; he was relentless in his goals...never mattered to him the consequences or the train-wreck he eventually left behind.

Peter Pan wins again and Director Abbot was of course extremely pleased. Kim and the rest adapting to Jane's 'special' method of solving cases but at the end of the day….it was the end justifying the means. Still 5 lives were lost, innocent men who never had a chance to fight back and blondie of course would get a discount on jail-time provided she sang like a canary.

Well Peter Pan still deserved that soaking...serves him right for going on a date with a dangerous sociopathic drug LADY Paris Hilton lookalike. Now he was back on his couch as cool as a cucumber; guess even Peter Pan needed rejuvenation time. No..she needed some R&R….all because that certain blonde hunk in her life had given her sleepless nights. Cho! Of all persons Cho...had commented on her pale, pinched look.

Get a grip Teresa….new job….probation…..Director Abbot…...no time for being love-sick. Honestly she was worried; it's exactly a week since she last talked to Joe. Was she going to lose him because of her 'job'? Joe wasnt a guy that was easily intimidated…..after all he had spent time in the UN Peace Corp. Here was a guy who had seen it all, had the training yet never felt he had to project himself. She loved that about him; that quietness and unassuming quality he had.


	7. Chapter 7

**All characters except for NELSON and JOE belong to Bruno Heller. **

Joe on a Wine & Whitewater trip in El Dorado County, James Bond type espionage at work; Osvaldo and the secret stalker, Jane and his silver-bucket…..at least she wasn't bored. Tasseled loafers ? How come she never noticed ? Trust Jane to fixate on something like that. She smiled, she and Jane had finally broken bread and though things would never return to the way they were; they had common ground. She had to stop being so sensitive; she was no longer the boss.

It seems she had bosses; the last being Jane. So this is what he was like before RED JOHN. A major pain and loving all the attention. She didn't know if she should be insulted or happy at Jane's shocked expression when she said she had a date. Well it won't be long before she had a real date...Oh Yeah….the Osvaldo date trick had worked on Joe. He was NOT a happy camper. Too bad...he deserved payback for making her worry. Poor Osvaldo; all that undeserved hate from her hunky blonde Brit.

She had enjoyed her girl-chat with Grace…..huh….girl-chat….where did that come from? What is with that girl anyway ?…...Jane & Joe...they were poles apart and besides; she had Joe at least she thinks she has. Jane would never ever look at her that way; to Jane she was Dr Watson to his Sherlock. Friendship…..that was all they had...nothing else and she wanted nothing more. She was looking forward to her long luxurious soak in the bath, pepperoni pizza, a glass of wine and bed.

She wanted to beat him senseless, knock him out, shoot him; anything to wipe that smirk off his face. 3am and he's lounging on her couch with NELSON, the jack russell from the dog shelter. Blessed mary mother of God save her from these overgrown schoolboys and their antics. Stupid jackass Brit had driven nearly 2000 miles, 21 hours….come on….who drives 21 hours when they can fly….Oh wait….Joe does and here he is like a cat with a dish of cream. Nelson doesn't seem worse for wear either, his tail wagging as he stretched out next to his master. He nearly gave her a heart-attack pounding on her door as if the world was about to end. She had whipped out her glock, pulled open the door dressed only in her well-worn football jersey with curlers in her hair to be greeted by…"Oh you're a sight for sore eyes love, I'm not interrupting anything am I?". She should have punched him there and then only she didn't want to scar poor Nelson for life. Wasn't his fault his master was a mad Englishman...or was that Mad dogs and Englishmen ?


	8. Chapter 2 Page 3

Even her bleary eyes and aching bones courtesy of 2 hours of sleep couldn't stop the huge grin on her face. The jackass had fallen asleep on her couch with his trusty sidekick, tongue lolling and drooling on his chest. A quick click and she had blackmail material….yup….this was the first time in a VERY long time she wished she didn't have to go to work. With a last longing glance; she left to get ready...duty called.

She really couldn't help the cheesy smile on her face or perhaps it was the caffeine. Of course the first words out of Jane's mouth as he scrutinised her had to be…'_early to bed early to rise Lisbon….gotta keep those wrinkles away'. _She bit her tongue, last thing she wanted was to spar with Jane which of course was what he was waiting for. No she was all dignified and professional as she wished him a very good morning. She could feel his eyes boring into her as she fiddled with her files.

Slow day which made everything slower but on the brightside; she could leave early. Yeah…..home was looking a lot sweeter now. Closed case paperwork had kept her occupied and Jane at a distance but she was sure he had caught her obsessing on her phone with that stupid look on her face. Joe had sent her a picture message earlier …Nelson holding a huge heart-shape cutout in his mouth that said 'please put us out of our misery and be our date tonite"? Corny, cheesy, cliched...who the hell cares…it works. She made sure her phone was on her all the time after that…..didn't need klepto-Jane getting it.

She wondered if Ardilles had got in touch with the Rigsbys; she was sure he was just over-cautious; his new status certainly put him in the limelight. Ardilles was ok as far as lawyers go only thing is Jane being Jane had brought out the worst in him. Like everyone connected with CBI; the scandal had touched him but good for him he landed on his feet….unlike her. Still, she was restless….Ardilles was a smart guy; rarely given to flights of fancy or that sort of thing. He was tough, in and out of court and he was truly spooked this time. Something was just off, oh well…...all she could do was wait for the Rigsbys. She said her goodbyes to Jane; must be one hell of a book since he merely grunted.

She was greeted by none other than that canine wonder….Nelson with an excited bark….her eyes pricked with tears...hormones…..that's right...hormones. She hugged him tight…..now where's Joe ? As if on cue; Joe appeared wearing….her horrendously pink apron…..hair askew...holding 2 glasses of wine. Wine before dinner….she was living dangerously. Get a grip….Teresa….she was acting worse than Annabeth. She and Joe had been dating...if one could use that word…..they had barely done anything intimate except for a few kisses, now he was sharing a home with her. How did that happen ?

Chilli…..Joe's idea of culinary delight was Chilli...strawberry shortcake...wine and cheese. He was definitely original…..she had never shared a dinner-date with a dog…..Nelson was conveniently perched on a chair next to her. She couldn't be happier.


	9. Chapter 9

One eye cracked open as she felt a warm furry…..wait wait...furry? Both eyes snapped open to see a furry paw tapping her face. NELSON…..she mentally screamed. She leaned over to see dog's best friend snuggled and obviously in dreamland. She fell back onto her pillows and giggled; nobody would believe that nothing happened in her bed. Definitely not for lack of interest on both parties…..no too much wine…more's the pity.

She sighed; duty calls...again. Let Nelson out, then coffee, lots of coffee.

1 time...the 1 time she had switched off her cell-phone…...Ardilles was dead...so was J.J. La Roche…..the entire ex-CBI team members had their cell-phones bugged. Her mind was reeling,...the endless possibilities and suspects only added to her distress. At the back of her mind was that awful thought which she refused to admit even to Jane…...The Blake Association…..RedJohn's accomplices. For if it were true; none of them would make it out alive.

She stared at the computer screen…..time was against them...an unseen menace….no face to put on their nemesis. Who had the resources, the power to do this? Grace was still trying to isolate the hacker and that took time. Her fingers froze; oh my god...Joe, Nelson….she had to send them away...they were in danger. Images of RedJohn's handiwork flashed through her brain working her emotions into a frenzy. Golden rule...family and friends were liabilities, complications when you've got someone after you.

She wished she could turn off her emotions like Jane; speaking of the devil...he was back on his couch. To an onlooker; it gave the totally wrong impression but she knew better. The human computer was in motion, wheels turning and gears moving. Damn...damn..damn…..Joe wasnt a fool; her calling him hourly was bound to start him sniffing around. She threw her phone into her bag. 5 hours to get through.

She practically ran all the way to the doorstep only to have Joe pull open the door and by the look on his face…...she had a lot of explaining to do. Nelson wasnt his joyful self as if sensing the tension between them. He had made her take a bath saying she needed to relax and gather her thoughts. Dressed in her jammies; she tentatively stepped into the kitchen. Spotless and not a thing out of place; Joe was a better housekeeper. He held out a cup of hot cocoa...she nearly burst out laughing…..cocoa...the world was falling apart and he gave her cocoa.

Nelson had long run off to who knows where when the shouting started. She was so angry she wanted to break something preferably the stupid jackass's face. He could protect himself….yeah right…..in desperation she had shown him the crime scene photos of Ardiless and RedJohn's victims only excluding Angela and Charlotte Ruskin; she owed Jane that at least. Did that sway Joe? No….said he had seen worst things in the Gulf. Said it was his duty to protect her. How asinine could he get? Finally she broke down; she didnt want lose either or them. Joe pulled her into his arms and carried her to bed; Nelson appearing out of the blue and trailing them silently. They both needed to be held by each other.

_I'll protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from the door….._

_When the chips are down, I'll be around_

_With my undying death-defying love for you_

_The power of love, a force from above_

_Cleaning my soul_

_Flame on burn desire_

_Love with tongues of fire_

_Purge the soul_

_Make love your goal_

_The Power Of Love - Frankie Goes To Hollywood_


	10. Chapter 10

All characters except for Joe belong to Bruno Heller and are copyright to THE MENTALIST.

Krav Maga - Supposedly one of the top 10 martial arts in the world as it concentrates on self-defense.

**Wayne and Grace barely escaped being killed….they were enroute to Austin now on the 1st available flight. Everything was spiralling and they were yet to put a name to this faceless terror. Abbot had ordered full lockdown for all ex-CBI agents; acting on the worst case scenario…they were targets of RedJohn's connections. They had to check with each other except when they were at HQ. Joe had checked in with her on the hour but she guessed he was 'busy'; he had gone into rambo mode this morning making their home into a fortress...hang on... 'their home'..since when did she start thinking of it as 'their' home. Oh yeah..when he woke her up at 5am to train her in Krav Maga and lecture her on her 'lack' of fitness and self-defense blah...blah..blah That's what you get when you date GI Joe.**

Jane..although no surprises there….Jane had asked her outright who she was shacking up with. The human lie detector strikes again. Cowardly….she avoided answering and Jane was looking none too happy. Too bad…as long as he did not point the finger at Joe otherwise he would receive one hell of a bloody nose and black eye to boot.

She hugged Grace….no words required as she conveyed her relief. She, Cho, Jane, Grace and Rigsby smiled at each other..there was a wealth of emotion in their expressions. Happy to see each other finally but largely thankfulness...they were alright and god willing….everything would be right again. Cho had done his job but then Cho was always efficient except even he couldn't do what Jane could. Jane had narrowed down an otherwise long list to 5 suspects and they were getting closer. Some awkwardness was expected since Cho was now her supervisor and it wasn't difficult to see Grace and Wayne share a look as Cho 'told' her what to do. Jane and them enjoyed 'consultant' status, well as long as they did not pity her...she was fine. She wasn't a petty person by nature and she truly did respect Cho but she was human. It hurt losing seniority, forced to start from the bottom. She was glad she could honestly say her priorities had changed; it was just work now that Joe was part of her life. Jane's absence, her demotion; it had made her take a long look at what she coined as a good life. She had found it wanting and empty.

No...Teresa Lisbon was going for the finer qualities of life. She enjoyed her work but never again will it consume her. Marriage with Joe? She couldn't see it at the moment but a long-term relationship….definitely. She checked her phone...yup...he had clocked in; suddenly she couldn't wait to see him...seeing the Rigsbys, the old-cases...like rushing water the memories flooded her brain. Back to work teresa…..she scolded herself. Jane and Fischer seemed to have bonded; just like her and Jane when they took off on cases together. GOOD..it was in the past...a valuable lesson teresa.

2 days...yet to catch the s.o.b...at least they had narrowed it down to Hutton and Haibach. Her money was on Haibach….that man had a lot of hate...in a way she couldn't blame him. Kidnapped and tortured; if it was her she wouldn't hesitate to shoot the persons responsible. However she was having a devil of a time feeling any pity for him since he made her apologise; her not Abbot not Jane, her. She wished it was over; out with the boys...not her scene..anymore besides she knew Jane would start quizzing her on Joe...she caught the surprised look on Rigsby's face. She hurriedly blurted that she was tired which she was.

Grace and her had their talk and she could see that Grace was sincerely happy for her. Yes..Grace was right...Jane and her….never would have worked. Joe was picking her up despite her protests. Right on time; she smiled...a true happy smile as she got into his Jeep. Nelson as usual, not to be outdone..a welcoming bark. Dare she say it….would she jinx it..if she said it….'her family'.


	11. Chapter 11

She and Joe had poured over the files; going over every detail….reaching the same conclusion...Richard Haibach. Why Wayne, why Grace…..if anyone was to blame it was Jane and his fake RedJohn list or her for hounding him. How do they prove it especially since he has this stick up her behind, trigger happy lawyer just waiting to dump a lawsuit on them.

"Rouse him, and learn the principle of his activity or inactivity. Force him to reveal himself, so as to find out his vulnerable spots."

― _Sun Tzu__, __The Art of War_

Sun Tzu was a genius and so was Joe to say it so eloquently. Joe had hit the nail on the head; Opportunity and accessibility. Any member of the CBI team would have sufficed; it was easiest to target the Rigsbys. Joe was no stranger to the depravity, cruelty and pure evil man was willing to inflict on each other. She was lucky, she had nothing to fear…Joe was more than capable of protecting not only himself but others as well. Although she hoped she didn't have to face another gruelling session of Krav Maga with Joe. The man was a trainer from hell.

The s.o.b. had taken Grace and Wayne was out of control. She feared the worst; what Joe said was true….she knew it herself…...man hellbent on revenge was not a man you could reason with, look for the father, family...that's what Joe had said...sexual crimes ran in families 70% of the time. He had to come from somewhere. He wanted payback, this was his moment and he was crowing...sheer joy on his face. She knew Wayne had begged Jane for his help...and Jane would give it….after all who knew better what it was like to lose a wife. No...this was not the time to play by the rules; Grace would die….and soon if they didn't do something. She didn't hesitate to look the other way so did Cho….Grace was like family.

It had been harrowing….the last few hours….combing through every lead...a needle in a haystack till they finally found Haibach's sister. Huh..her hunky brit was right and he wasn't even FBI. Wayne Rigsby was a hero...2 bullets in him and he still got the bad guy. Grace and Wayne had been put through the worst moments of their life. It was these things that made her pause, stop and review. So little time and one could lose it all overnight. Joe had wanted to meet her at the hospital; his concern for Rigsby and Grace was touching and it was genuine. She felt horrible telling him to stay away especially when Joe had asked her if it was because of Jane….GOD...what was she afraid of….Jane? No….it was her and her alone…..'coming out' meant commitment, admittance and reality. Joe was hurt; she could tell and it was all her fault,

No...careers in FBI were not for the Rigsbys; they had enough excitement to last them a lifetime. She had said her goodbyes to them and she needed to get home. She only hoped Joe would forgive her and look past her insecurities. Jane had watched her as Wayne and Grace asked her to convey their best to Joe. Strangely he had refrained from saying anything.

She knew something was wrong….it was too quiet….no Nelson greeting her at the door...you just knew….Joe had left, no note, not even a text to her cell-phone. She clutched the keys in her hand; still rooted to her spot in the kitchen. Her tears fell unchecked; he was gone.


	12. Chapter III

**Note : Teresa Lisbon, Patrick Jane, CBI are characters copyrighted to Bruno Heller and The Mentalist. I have never owned and will never own them. **

Thank you reviewers, those who clicked favourites and follows. I am HUMBLED. If you like my story; please do review...it helps a LOT. Different views etc. I apologise for being a lazy researcher; a good writer always does good research. I hate that job.

Dear reviewer who commented that Joe might be Jude Law; honestly I never thought of Jude Law but good match. I'm sorry if this is a boring chapter but like any book...

_Kissing you is not what I had planned_

_And now I'm not so sure just where I stand_

_I wasn't looking for true love_

_But now you're looking at me_

_You're the only one I can think of_

_You're the only one I see_

_All I need is just a little more time_

_To be sure of what I feel is it all in my mind_

_'Cause it seems so hard to believe_

_That you're all I need_

_Jack Wagner - All I Need Lyrics _

As expected; she threw herself into work. If anyone noticed, they didn't say anything but she knew she didn't fool Jane but to give him credit he never once broached the subject. He was the amiable, happy-go-lucky, don't give a damn about anything member of the team. Although once or twice she did catch him watching her.

She had left a heartfelt message on Joe's cell-phone; revealing her inner demons and her uncertainties. That was a month ago, 3 days and 24 hours. With Joe it was all or nothing at all; he wasn't a pushover unlike her Mashburns and others that passed through her life plus he had been brutally honest with her - no games. Ms Know-it-all had screwed up. Would you know it….a St Theresa's parish in good ol texas. Wasn't overly crowded and Ms Self sufficient, I can do it all had signed up for counseling on relationships at the church. She had nearly backed out….walking half a dozen times up and down in the parking lot. Ironically it was a dog barking at some distance that propelled her into her worst nightmare….therapy.

It wasn't all bad; they were a lively bunch...her counselor Deidre a seasoned woman of 62 who had buried 2 husbands, had 5 grandchildren and a colourful history. There was Gladys whose husband woke up one day and decided he was a woman; Stephen, wife left him after 35 years of marriage because she suddenly realised he was too childish for her, Nina classic case of child abuse; paranoia, bipolar and unable to form relationships of any kind. She laughed remembering Trevor whose main problem was he didn't know who he wanted. Devastated Pete who lost his 1st wife to cancer and 2nd wife of only 3 years to a congenital heart defect leaving him with a 1 year old baby girl and seemed to think all his relationships were doomed to death. There were Alfred and Regina who had lost their beloved spouses to just plain old age. Married for over a decade; it was like losing a part of their body. And her; finally admitting that her 'failure to launch' into any romantic relationship stemmed from her mom's death, dad's abuse, death and repressed anger. She had only said that she worked in 'security' but nobody seemed intrusive or bothered enough; she felt cleansed after the 3rd meeting as if washed thoroughly, a weight lifted off. She had talked about Jane (not revealing his name of course); of Joe, Boscoe even Greg. Unlike Jane who had found peace when he killed RedJohn; she had never laid her ghosts to rest; SHE had allowed them to rule her mind and her life. She had made a trip to where her parents lay; just talking to them...she had cried, got angry….and then said goodbye.

It was worth it; to see the unguarded emotion, amazement that swept across his face and his speechlessness when she presented him a collector's edition of PETER PAN. Sheer whim and some unexplained….something had made her buy it for him…a very expensive gift. Maybe it was closure and forgiveness on her part. She watched as his hands gently caressed the cover. Unlike most people her postscript was a quote in the book which she had neatly underlined. Happy hunting Jane.

Now she was toying with the idea of moving; she hated moving but Deidre had asked her to think about it. How could you miss a person who had been with you such a short time so dreadfully? A one room apartment; less space, in a complex...more people to meet and greet. After all this was about change of course she drew the line at fitness centres..just something so tacky in those places. The past was past but her future was yet to be shaped.

End of Chapter 2


	13. Chapter 3 Page 1

Chapter 3 Page 1

She sighed….Wiley was entirely too corruptible….hanging out with Jane was BAD for him. Come on…..who takes a case because its FUN….wait...sound the alarm..Jane does. She couldn't believe Abbot was going along with Jane's shenanigans. Agent Marcus Pike was good people though…..unlike most agents who would probably feel threatened or territorial by someone moving on their turf...he was being...well not grateful but appreciative. She really hoped Jane wouldn't pull one over him; poor guy was just too nice.

Oh yeah...Abbot and Fischer would really appreciate the irony...she was playing the gangster's moll...Jane's idea of fun. A too tight dress that honestly made her feel undressed and heels that could send her 6 feet under. Why was she even involved; Fischer could have handled it. Yay...what a great time but she had to admit Jane was in a league of his own and he deserved an award for his performance. These guys were dangerous, deadly even.

She cursed silently; where was a gun when you needed it. All her senses were on alert now; this was the leader of the pack; she hoped he didn't pick up on her nervousness. Mckay never moved from his spot in front of the painting even when Jane had arrived. As Jane predicted, the plan was in motion; Mckay had taken the bait. Now if only she could find some food. What is it with Jane and sofas ? a luxurious home with 3 equally opulent bedrooms and he sleeps on the sofa. She smiled as she covered him with the afghan…..little boy Jane had heaps of fun last night.

She couldn't believe she was flirting with Agent Pike…but hey wasn't she supposed to be meeting new people. Besides Marcus was fun, uncomplicated, normal and not bad looking either…no sexy brit accent bringing her to knees, no dimples, no soulful ocean coloured eyes piercing her soul or a smart alec hustler waiting to bedevil her. Deirdre would be proud of her. Teresa Lisbon flirting…wonders will never cease.

It had been too close; Jane was being the daredevil again which made her so mad. Why did he have to take chances like that ? She wondered….was it a subconscious thing...maybe he wanted to die...perhaps that gave him a legitimate reason to join his family. She would have a word with Cho...keep an eye on him...6 months with the FBI but in no way was she willing to trust either Abbot or Fischer. She closed her eyes….took a deep breath...she was going to have pancakes with Marcus. Frankly she had enjoyed the flirting but dinner….she wasn't sure she was ready to go on that road again. Anyway what harm could pancakes do ?

Just goes to show….she was glad and happy that she had gone out with Marcus. No fireworks or stars but good old fashioned chitchat and harmless flirting. She had agreed to go out with him for dinner tomorrow night. So what if she wasn't looking for a romantic relationship….at least she was getting the chance to doll up and go out.

She whirled round when her phone blared with the sounds of phil collins a groovy kind of love. S.O.B. that was Joe's tune…..


	14. Chapter 3 Page 2

**Teresa Lisbon, Patrick Jane and Marcus Pike are characters created by the talented Mr Bruno Heller and copyright to THE MENTALIST. **

**I'm just having a bit of fun and earn nothing from the mish-mash below. My sincere apologies if this fic is offensive to anyone. However a gentle reminder that this fan-fiction. Thank you and happy reading friends.**

She stared at her cellphone in disbelief. After all this time; the last few months she spent wallowing in guilt and now he calls? She flung the phone not caring where it landed.

She shot up in her bed as soon as her trusty alarm clock screeched. She had slept like a log, her mind….Joe free. Force of habit made her check her phone; text from Fischer, 2 missed calls and a voice mail from Joe. Maybe she'll listen to it or maybe she wont. FBI Special Agent Teresa Lisbon had things to do and places to be.

She cursed herself….she was behaving like a giddy teenager. She had been toying with her cell-phone for the last hour till even Jane the epitome of patience had barked at her. As usual she gave him one of her death-glares before storming off into the little girl's room.

_"Teresa….I'm a bloody fool and bloody mad as a hatter..Nelson's saner than me…..(Nelson barks in the background)...dont hate me love...you had just told me you didnt want anyone to know about me, about us….I was gutted…you're the bees knees for me….I need to see you darling. Can we talk love ? 'ave a little pity for a poor sod and his dog' "_

She took her time going back to her spot near Jane's couch. She didnt hesitate to call Joe but it would be good to make him sweat before she called him over. She had barely sat down when Jane cracked open one eye and with the most honeyed tone whispered if she was going to have makeup s with Joe. She whispered back...wouldnt he like to know. Of course Jane being Jane...always wanting to have the last word had muttered something about Joe and Marcus. Now she was the one that felt 'gutted' as Joe put it so succintly. She couldnt cancel on Marcus and she wasnt going to. That's that.

Hmphhh...she should have her own show. Her love-life if you could call it that was beginning to resemble a daytime soap-opera….the days of teresa's life or some rubbish like that. Pleasant dinner, good conversation, she sighed...face it teresa….Marcus isnt Jane or Joe….nice man; great looking, they had lots in common...but. St teresa however would say he was safe, dependable and uncomplicated. Teresa the wild child wanted passion, mountain top experiences and the stuff poets lusted after. She hit call on her cell-phone; it was now or never.

The sneaky bas ! but she wasnt too angry when he said he was just around the corner. She had come to expect the unexpected from Joe. He stood in her front porch, both hands in his pockets; looking like he stepped out of Esquire or GQ except for the sheepish look on his face. Awkward much….she hurriedly leaned down to plant a kiss on Nelson's head that got her a slobbery kiss in return. That traitor….Nelson dashed into the house leaving his smirking master and frazzled mistress to trail after him.

Do you know what it feels like loving someone  
>(You dont know know it feels)<br>Thats in a rush to throw you away?  
>(You dont know know it feels)<br>Do you know what it feels like to be the last one  
>(You dont know know it feels)<br>To know the lock on the door has changed  
>(You dont know know it feels)<br>(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)

: Enrique Iglesias - Do You Know (Ping Pong Song) Lyrics | MetroLyrics

**Honestly I love writing about NELSON.**


	15. Chapter 3 Page 3

Dear Readers, many thanks for the reviews, follows and favourites. I truly appreciate it.

I know updates have been slow but I hit the proverbial WALL; got all these ideas but the flow wasn't there. I didn't want to output something that I wasn't happy with. If you are still reading this fic; YES I'm afraid the backstory hasn't ended yet as I need to set the stage. I've written this fic based on what I IMAGINE teresa lisbon is thinking or rather the thoughts running through her mind; so please don't flame me. I get nothing from writing this fantasy. Once again thank you for reading, reviewing, following and favouriting.

**If you are celebrating the Holy Festival Of Lights, Happy Diwali and Peace dear readers.**

Joe is not human...he is an evil cold-blooded reptilian alien masquerading as this mouth-watering hunk of blondeness. Any full red blooded man would have got upset, mad….argued..sulked even but not Joeee….instead he calmly agreed that she should 'see' other men to assess her feelings. Assess...my ass, cooly both Joe and his best friend the 'traitor' had left saying that she should give him a call; leaving her dumbstruck, mildly depressed and MAD. That's right….teresa….another one bites the dust.

She spent the last few hours before dawn burning poor Deirdre's ears and what did she have to show for it? Panda bear eyes and a splitting headache. Her cell-phone beeped...oh her day was fantastic alright….Marcus Pike...:"call me". She liked Marcus, last thing she wanted was to make things difficult between them; no that was Jane's forte….making enemies everywhere he went.

Speaking of the devil, he was being too 'nice', too perky today..she shuddered...she hated that word. Riiiiiight…..he was fishing for gossip on her lovee..ee dilemma.. and didn't want her to blow a fuse. Oh what the hell...she might as tell him and well, get it over with. If he got on her nerves, she'll just give him a black eye…..that should shut him up.

Yeah…she should be locked up….taking relationship advice from a narcissistic know-it-all ladies man. Given a free reign to mouth off; Jane gleefully described Marcus as being 'about as interesting as watching paint dry'; pedantic, predictable etc..life is like a box chocolates attitude. Too safe for her, she would kill herself out of boredom. For some reason he was pretty silent on Joe...only saying that she really liked him...it wasn't said as a question but more as a statement. Oh it could be that Jane has never met Joe thus depriving him the opportunity to dissect him. Before she got up from his couch, he had caught her hand...his parting shot….its Joe you want but he HAD to spoil it all by adding….better not let Pike smell his perfume on you…...Rigsby was a dead man!

Fat chance of that….although her heart sank at the thought of never seeing Joe and his trusty side-kick again. Her love-life was as dismal as her work was; every criminal seemed to be on a holiday this whole week. Abbot had made them dig out the archives; she hated cold-cases. Chances of catching the bad guys were higher when the trail was still 'hot'. Thankfully Marcus had accepted her 'raincheck' on dinner tonite...but the sooner she nipped it in the bud the better. Marcus was, is a colleague and she should know better. Deirdre had insisted on dropping by later; time to get the kleenex out. She was always grateful for Deirdre's gut-wrenching truth, she didn't sugar-coat anything.


End file.
